Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
