I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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