Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He better not be in your backpack
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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