hell yes lets make some ravioli
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
