A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
