considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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