i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
