Only a mothe r could love this liver
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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