You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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