I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
