Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
