Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
