Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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