Your mouth is God's brothel.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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