Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
