Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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