if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Who did Billy Mays play for?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
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