Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize