I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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