I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
