is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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