There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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