We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
