me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
