Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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