i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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