Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
