Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
