"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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