Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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