your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just threw up on my dentist
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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