I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
