Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
