He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They are going to name an STD after you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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