I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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