Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
