meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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