Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize