O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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