My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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