you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
