people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
