he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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