3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
