I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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