Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
