The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
