i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
