dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
