Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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