You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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