Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
