Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
