can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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