Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
my poor anus
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
