I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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