Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
