You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dicks are not precious.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
