i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
