let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
