I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
