did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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