don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
