I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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