just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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