I didn't shave. On purpose
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize