two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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