no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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