puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
