God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
