Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
