Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
