eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
