i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize