I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
