and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
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