he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
