we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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