I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
