You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize