If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
