I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
