I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
