I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
