So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
