$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
tell me about the eggs
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
