what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
