their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
