that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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