i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
