Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize