Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
