If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
