Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
