after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
