8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize