I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she pinky promised me she was 18
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
