a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
