This house was built for laser tag.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need to calm my uterus...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
